OmnipotentChirp

I have been seeing these appeals from Jimmy Wales on Wikipedia since I spend a lot of time on Wikipedia instead of doing things that I need to do like find a job. I tell myself that I'm learning things even though I know as well as everyone else that this is just the a form of internet masturbation where you pretend you're learning things by listening to science podcasts on NPR and reading articles on Wikipedia even though you are just really killing time while last night's shows get uploaded to Hulu. Do I really need to know anything more about Mussolini? Probably not, but that's a bad example anyway since I'm working on some weird stuff here in Michigan right now. But I definitely don't need to know anything more about traction control systems. Or pig farming. Or football games from the fifties. However, I do get kind of depressed when I see those personal appeal banners because I feel like Wikipedia isn't getting any money, even though I know that they probably are. But Jimmy Wales Photoshopped eyes staring down at me as I try to read some article just... irk me a little. Anyway today I saw they are bringing in close to $50,000 a day with this campaign! So I was hoping we could get some folks around here working on my personal appeal: MORE LISTENERS! I don't want your money! No, seriously, put the wallet away. I know, I know, you've got $50,000 in your Paypal account that you want to throw it our way. That's alright. Give Jimmy the money. God knows he needs it (no he doesn't). Just tell your friends about us. And if you DO have any extra coin hanging around, can we please figure out a way to get that fucking Verizon commercial that combines a rock version of "Jingle Bells" with our "Our House"? I hate that fucking commercial.