I love video games, but I wouldn't call myself a gamer. Mostly because I never was able to keep up with all the games and consoles. I never really got that deep into PC gaming and all that shit. I was a buy a game every so often kind of kid and beat the SHIT out of that game. So now that everything is free on the internet (read: don't steal) I'm taking a look at games that I never got a chance to play but where very well recieved back in their time. This weeks game: DINO CRISIS 2 (PSX) !!!

OH DIP SON!! I don't know how I never got into this game... I mean, I'm a HUGE Capcom fan since Mega Man and was obsessed with the Resident Evil series. Perhaps that's it, Dino Crisis always just seemed to be like a step child franchise. I was, however, obsessed with dinosaurs. It's a weird thing that American Public Schools do to boys. They make them fucking obsessed with Dinosaurs in the second grade. Girls too, but the guys, mama mia, they go BONKERS for all these dinosaurs. And then fucking Jurassic Park, are you serious?? I'm not made of stone. I like giant lizard beasts roaming the Earth's crust fucking EVERYTHING up.

PS Did you know that the Brontosaurus was a lie? He was a pussy anyway. Oh, I'm huge and eat veggies. THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T EXIST, CAUSE YOU SUCKED.

I skipped to part two because, let's face it, in the year 2000 if a video game had "2" next to it's title, it just ment "better". The game opens with saying something like 

Yo, you did a good job beating the first game. But the guy who was working on the secret plans is it at it again and it caused another time rift and now the city is a jungle again with dinos everywhere.

So far so good. I hate it when video games get too big for their britches (read: every video game after Metal Gear Solid came out). Anyway, there's two characters. The red headed babe from the first game and a new stud with blonde hair. (Who looks EXACTLY like the dude from the Resident Evil games).

Apparently the first game it was more of a puzzle game like the first Resident Evil. You know, kill the one thing in the room then look around the room for like 3 hours trying to find the powder to sprinkle on the herb to combine with the crystal to open the door to another room where you have to do the SAME FUCKING THING AGAIN. (Why did I love those games, again?) Well, in this installment, they learned their lesson: puzzles are for losers, let's kill some fucking DINOS!

There's dinos crawling all over this thing. It's the classic Capcom "3D" environment, which just means prerendered backgrounds, a small path that you can turn in any direction on, but basically "walk forward" is always what you're going to be doing. Oh man, do you remember how annoying it was to try to control a character in a 3D environment using a D Pad on the PSX controller? You want to fucking smash the thing against the wall. Palm cramps. Remember that? Holding down FORWARDS at all time... remember the awkward turning around? Waiting and waiting for that idiot on the screen to make a full turn so you can shoot something, just to be eaten by a giant dinosaur at the last second? This game is FULL of that.

Then there's that great, hold the R button to set yourself up to shoot and then press X to shoot. JUST SHOOT THE FUCKING GUN, DUMBDUMB! But there isn't much to complain about, except for the fact that this game is literally Resident Evil 2 with dinos instead of zombies. But, really, is that much of a complaint? You get points for killing dinos and then you use the points for much better guns to kill more dinos. One hand washes the other, washes that disgusting dino blood all off.

That's something I really liked. It's a video game, we're allowed to use points. Stop trying to make everything into "money". I was so expecting the dinos to shit out dollars every time they died to justify the "buying weapons" thing. They didn't, so good on Capcom.

There's a problem though... there's like only 10 version of Dinosaurs in this game. Like, really??? You see the one green raptor looking thing SO MANY FUCKING TIMES. It's like, yo, sneak in some more dinos! They don't even have to be real. Hell, color the green ones purple or something every now and then! Lie to me, Capcom, lie to me.

Great graphics for its time, killing dinos is fun, terrible walking controls, terrible voice acting, terrible story.

B+